i sit silently 
in your car
through quivering lips 
and restless hands 
and ache to undo you 
from underneath my skin 

[Brian]

"touch me gently 
and i'll unravel before you"

[Brian]

Luke tomorrow
Michael on Saturday 
Josh on Tuesday
and Gareth on Friday 

But all I really want 
is to spend the weekend with you again 

Goddammit

[Brian]

and what i'll miss most 
is when i turn over in your bed
and suddenly feel you
curve your body around mine 
you wrap your arms around me
and grip me so tight 
sometimes 
i feel the air leave my lungs

[Brian]

i stole little glances of him
i couldn't stand too much more than that 

i focused on his eyes 
the same blue eyes i looked up into 
as i lay splayed open in his bed 
with the same intensity i had the first time we met 

my gaze wandered across his face as he spoke 
i stared like i'd never seen him before
because i knew i'd never see him again 

but i barely heard a word he said 
the same voice that could
command me to spread apart like 
a canvas stretched bare on an easel 
begging for paint 
now seemed like white noise in the distance 

my attention now dropped to his lips 
the same lips that feasted on me
in the night time 
and poured honey over me
in the day time 

he took my flesh into his mouth and
bit and sucked and kissed gratefully 
and it was there that i mistook
lust for affection 

i couldn't even look at his hands 
because i knew where they'd been
so often had he wrapped his fingers 
around my hair 
and pulled 
and this was how he drew music out of me 

but surely he sensed
something was wrong 
when he dipped his fingers into me 
looking for honey 
that wouldn't come for him


[Brian, 30] 

I haven't been home in almost a year. 

I haven't seen my family in almost a year. 

And I'm weeping over Christmas songs in June.