Merry Christmas? No, not really.

So here I am.

Christmas night.

Spending the evening serving people I don't really know and honestly don't really care about. Plastering a fake smile across my face and using a great amount of will power to pay attention to the small talk wafting through my house.

Now don't get me wrong, the food is great (Thank you Mummy) and the music is good. The place is beautiful, again thanks to Mummy, who has been thoroughly excited about decorating the place. Ive heard nothing but, "Change the curtains! Bring out the Christmas plates! Where are the Christmas tablecloths!" for about 2 weeks. Bless her.

But the people are all not the same. These people mean nothing to me. I want to spend Christmas with my family, and right now, I'm sitting in the corner of my hall, watching these people in the midst of their meaningless chatter while guzzling down our good booze like its going out of style.  

Ive just realised how hungry I am, but I don't really want to eat. I just want this depressing night to end so I can crawl under my blanket and curl myself around my bolster and let the darkness envelope me like a warm glove.

And the best part is that all this could have been avoided if two adults had just acted like adults when it counted the most. Its so funny how they can go from educated and mature to petty and childish. In the heat of the moment, no one made the correct decision, and a family is broken. My family.
All these material things, the lavish decorations, the unnecessary soiree, and these people, are just attempts to fill a void that was left by that day. The day we broke.

We will be fine. Eventually. Time will work wonders for us. 

But for now, Merry Christmas I suppose.

Life is too short to stay angry

Maroon 5 - Secret (Live!)

 

Oh wow...

 

What I would have given to see this concert live

Jason Mraz - Love Is a Four Letter Word (Full Album!)

 

I stumbled upon this by accident while surfing YouTube!

 

Enjoy!

You Aren't Mine

Oh my,
I felt my heart crack a little,
As I read your words,
Do you really think that?
Do you?

What kind of impossible fantasy have I been living?
The one where after all this is over,
You and I can be,
How pretentious of me,
To think you still feel as I do.

I feel this dull tugging pain,
It surrounds my body,
Its in the music I hear,
In the food I taste,
It wont leave me be.

I understand though,
I broke it the first time,
I don't deserve you,
But that doesn't make me want you any less.

I need to forget you,
But there are too many good memories,
They haunt my dreams,
They keep me awake at night.

I shouldn't have let this happen again...

 

Hindsight's a real beach...

Mummy...

There are so many paths I could have taken,
So many mistakes I could have made,
But you were there,
I had a light to follow,
I had you.

Your name is a prayer on my lips,
And (soon) a tattoo over my heart,
Your voice is a choir in harmony,
Your smile heals the wound in my soul,
And heaven is at your feet.

With every breath that fills my lungs,
With every beat of my broken heart,
And with every fibre of my being,
I will love you,
I will always love you.

Sleeping at Last - Turning Page (Piano)

 

This song reminds me of the reason I fell in love with the piano

 

 

 

Maroon 5 - One More Night

 

Let me make something clear first. I love Maroon 5 and have loved their music for a long time. I liked them even when they were Kara's Flowers.

 

But 'Payphone' is an AWFUL song. There's nothing about that song that I like. And it seems to play EVERYTIME I get into the car.  In my opinion, 'Songs About Jane' was their best album to date - There (literally) isn't a track on that album that I don't like

 

But people change, and I suppose their music evolves - That's where this song comes in.  It's got a catchy tune and it makes me wanna dance.

 

And you know dancing is always a good thing :D

 

My Heart Out In Cyberspace

To put it simply,

I've been thinking about you,

To the point when it's considered unhealthy,

I wouldn't say I'm sad,

Because we ended nicely,

On good terms,

But I do miss you.

There's this tiny nagging feeling at the back of my mind,

A constant reminder of you and everything we had,

I recall that wonderful night at camp,

And that 4 hour phone call the night before my Chemistry exam,

Damn these memories,

They won't leave me alone.

As I write this,

I'm furiously wishing that you'll read it,

Maybe - Just maybe,

You feel the same way,

I'm putting my heart out in cyberspace,

Hoping you'll find it.

Congratulations Pandelela!

History has been made and I was here to witness it!  Sarawakian diver, Pandelela Rinong is Malaysia's first ever woman's medalist, and first ever Olympic winner outside of badminton, when she won bronze in the Women's 10m Platform event.

It made me so very proud to be Malaysian when I saw her dive. I felt so united, like we were all on the same side, cheering and supporting the same thing - the same person. I felt this same overwhelming sense of pride when I watched our badminton hero, Dato Lee Chong Wei, during the finals.

Gold, Silver or Bronze

You guys have made us very proud to be Malaysian.

Our Olympians have united a nation.

After she won the bronze medal!

Road to the Olympics

China's Chen Ruolin - Gold.
Australia's Brittany Broben - Silver.
Malaysia's Pandelela Rinong - Bronze :D

Yuna - Dan Sebenarnya

I am quite surprised that I didn't hear of Yuna before this. Her voice is so very unique. Hers is the kind of voice you'd like to wrap around yourself on a rainy evening.

She's wonderful jazz singer - Which is why I'm surprised it took me so long to find her.

But its alright - The point is I found her :D

Dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
Di sebalik senyuman mu itu
Kau juga merindui aku

Dont Give Up : London 2012

Its okay Chong Wei

We love you

:)

Paolo Nutini - Coming Up Easy

There's no way you can't Love Paolo Nutini.

He's a 20 something 3rd generation Italian hailing from Scotland, who sounds like an 80 year old black jazz singer.

And he's hot.

This music video is SUPER weird. Good weird. But still - weird.

It's got a life size rabbit drinking and dancing with Paolo. (?)

LOL

Paolo Nutini - Jenny Don't Be Hasty

I first heard this song years ago on a very nice episode of CSI NY, 'Snow Day'.

My favourite part is

'Then I'm definitely waiting for you to smile and change your mind
Then I'll say I'm sorry and I'll wrap my arms 'round your body'

:D 

Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face (Glastonbury 2011)

I dont think I will ever find a Coldplay song I dislike. They're just that good!

This is probably one of the best live versions of 'God Put A Smile On Your Face' ever. Ever. You can just see Will Champion beating his heart out on those drums. Epic intro!

You may now surrender yourself to the awesomeness that is Coldplay.

Personal Tutoring

After class, All alone,
Once the students have cleared,
It's just you and me,
I do realize I may be overstepping my bounds,
But I. Couldnt. Care. Less.

I pull my chair closer,
And watch you intently,
As you go on about ionic bonding,
I gaze at your marvelous jaw line,
And am forced to bring my eyes back up to yours,
When I think you've caught me staring.

Yes - It does seem that I've forgotten Chemistry basics,
You'll just have to teach me again,
Wonderful,
I hug myself with glee,
I can't wait for my next personal tutoring.

Note to self : Never, ever, ever read Fifty Shades before class. Ever. ;)

Pangkor Was Awesome... Nuff said

Basically, Pangkor was the chun-est chun thing since the latest chun thing, EVER.

I suppose Rueben was correct when he said 'Dei, you'll LOVE it when we get back'. The people were great, the water was fine and the sun was shining! What more could you want! And our 4am chitapa was one of the greatest things that happened there - You know who you are!

          

I cant believe how much I missed the water. All I could do was stand at the shore and wait for the water to bury my feet into the sand with each wave. Then after our not-so-snorkeling, we went to swim in the sea and bobbed around for a few hours. There was this moment where I lay down on the sand and my thoughts were clear and my troubles were gone - I'll never forget it.

         
There were so many other crazy things like Pangkor Mac, Babe and his Oscar winnning performance as Sultan Haji Ahmad Shah II, the Minions, Hollaback Muniamah, the most violent 'bottle game' EVER and climbing in the forest barefoot!

I Kinda Love Chris Evans...

I have nothing substantial to say except that I currently love Chris Evans.

Yeah, I finally went to watch The Avengers today, and my eyes were transfixed on Captain America in that fine blue suit. I would describe his character as the cute, geeky boy next door - just way more ripped!

Boy next door

He's got these piercing eyes as blue as the sea and a six pack so perfect, you'd think it was sculpted by the Gods. It shouldn't be legal to be as hot as him.

Can't you feel your heart racing, just a bit

                                   

Chris Evans as Captain America



                   

 Oh well, I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna go ogle at some more pics of him. Bye. :D

Of Memories and Old Photographs

I let you down,
I didn't realise it at the time,
I love you more than the oxygen that keeps me alive,
But time and time again,
My actions betray my pathetic words.

Please know that it was, is, and never will be my intention to hurt you,
I can't care for myself,
But I do care for you,
And I can't bear it when I do something stupid like that - without even realising.

Is this the consequence of building walls?
I speak from experience when I say emotions get in the way,
I've concluded that I don't need them.

But an unfortunate side effect is,
I am now cold and distant,
In my greatest attempts to purge myself of emotions,
I have hurt you.

I want to keep memories too,
And if pictures are the way to do that,
Then I'll take all the pictures you want,
I'll do anything - As long as you're happy.

I am sorry.

Deep Dark Thoughts

Would it be too dramatic to say,
I wish to drown in the ocean,
Somewhere deep and dark - Where light from the sun cannot reach,
Where no one will notice my absence,
Let the salt water fill my lungs,
Let me gasp and struggle in vain for the breath I traded away,
To feel the life draining from me,
And then nothing.

Would society deem me a freak,
If my deepest desire is to climb the tallest mountain in the world,
Just to freeze,
It would be rather slow and lonely, 
But it would it not be peaceful,
Nothing but cold air and snow,
With the wind lulling me into an everlasting slumber,
Ensuring me the troubles of this world are almost over,
If I just fall asleep.

Defense is paper thin,
Too deep now to ever swim against the current,
So let me slip away,
Just let me slip away.